Life in General

What a Year!

It’s been a year since I spent an entire summer in BC as part of my co-op program in university, and all I can say is exactly that title: what a year!

It was around this time last year when I was just starting to adapt to my new environment, learning to live on my own (for the first time!), away from my family, friends, and the city I’ve called home. It was both exciting and nerve-wracking: exciting because it’s a completely new experience for me, I have never lived on my own before, let alone in a town 1000 miles away from home; it’s nerve-wracking because I’m supposed to spend three months, my entire summer, in this new place where I know no one, at all.

At first, I thought I was going to just work the entire summer and not have any fun plans at all. Luckily, my family decided to visit me on July long weekend together with a couple other friends of ours. We drove to Vancouver and spent three days just catching up and doing all the touristy things we could do while in the city.

A month later, my two bestfriends, against all odds, drove all the way to Kelowna just to see me and make something happen out of my summer. Viehl, who just got her license three months prior, was brave enough to drive through the windy roads of British Columbia, while Bianca stayed true to her words and kept her promise to visit me, despite going through some very rough times herself at the time.

Looking back, last summer has been pretty rough on all three of us. We were all going through some personal struggles: we all had some baggage we were carrying, we each had a boy we were having issues with, and at the same time we all just wanted a to have a breather, and have some fun, and enjoyment, and have a moment to just live and not think and worry or what not. Like that song says, “girls just want to have fun.” And that summer, we did have fun, despite all the hardship, despite all the difficulty, despite all the troubles. That summer went by so quickly, and before I know it, not only was I sad to leave Osoyoos and the friends I’ve made, but now it’s a year later already and those are all just a bunch of good memories. They are now things of the past, a couple of shared stories that whenever we look back on, we just share a good laugh about it. Through it all, I’m glad I had those two, and I’m grateful to still have them in my life, not just this summer or the next, but forever, for lifetime.

Life in General

When It’s Wrong To Just Go With The Flow

1I know, that title is a bit mouthful. But that is exactly what the last three months have been. When I came back from my vacation, I was certain with one thing: I want to enjoy and go with the flow. I’m the type of person who usually knows what she wants, and what she doesn’t want; why I do certain things and avoid some. But after Philippines, I did not want to know anymore. I wanted to explore the “uncharted waters,” to “go outside of my box.” And so I did a lot of things that were highly uncharacteristic, such as going out on dates, and partying and getting drunk (among other things).

It was also when I came back decided to try out something I have never considered before: dating a friend. At first I was insisting that it was all casual and friendly, although I know I wasn’t fooling anyone (not even myself). In my previous relationships (there weren’t many, just a couple), the guys I dated were never “just my friend.” We didn’t become friends or get to know each other just to be friends; it was always for something more, or maybe it was just that way for me. I have never considered dating a friend because one, that opportunity didn’t present itself that much, and two, once I consider someone a friend, it’s hard for me to think of them in any way but that. But because I just wanted to go with the flow and do things outside of my box, I gave it a try. I thought, “we’re friends, so going out should be okay.” And it was okay–great even. I liked his company and enjoyed our conversations. The past couple of months have been filled with a lot of firsts, just trying new things. But there’s just one thing: I like him as a friend.

I was so involved with my own feelings to the point that I only saw me; everything else–everyone else, was just a blur.

For the most of this post, I kept going on and on about what thought, about how felt. wanted to go with the flow. I was so focused on me that I forgot that there was another person who’s feelings I should consider, my friend’s.  But one late night conversation with my sister brought me out of my fallacy. She asked me: “are you sure you’re not just leading the guy on? what will happen if while going with the flow, you get carried away too far off the shore?” After all, I didn’t wander off the shore the last time but I still found myself drowning. How much more now, when I’ve decided to actually take a dip on the wide ocean while exploring the uncharted waters? The waves are higher this time, and the chances of me drowning again are greater. Her line of questioning felt like a huge bucket of water was dumped over my head and it brought me back to my senses.

To end this post and continue on with the metaphor, I told myself: now that the waves have calmed, and the storm is no more, exploring is over–and back to the shore I go.